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I was 19 the first time marriage was mentioned. My mother told me about a young man whose family had expressed an interest in me, and then she promptly left the house. The realisation that I was of marriageable age was clearly as difficult for her as it was surprising to me.

I was a geeky young woman who had never even shaken hands Married femalesplease read a man, let alone had a Married femalesplease read.

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Bespectacled before it was cool, I was short-sighted in more ways than one, young enough to believe that good things happened to good people. My first husband was 11 years older than Married femalesplease read.

We met only once before the wedding, but spent the year leading up Married femalesplease read the big Married femalesplease read talking on the phone. I was in my final year at university. He femalespease a doctor — the ideal profession for a son-in-law — and the eldest of two sons, who had moved to the US from Pakistan after finishing medical school.

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The femakesplease room had a single brown leather sofa and a large TV with huge free-standing speakers on either side. He would take out a tape measure to check the distance between them, the TV and the Married femalesplease read. Other than that, he was quiet, reserved. His mother, who lived with us, was not. Married femalesplease read of what happened during that time has faded, but a few things stay with me.

The way she would make him sit on her lap, his embarrassment at her kisses, her coming into the bedroom while we slept, her odd questions about whether he used soap in the shower.

I spent all day at home with her. I had no money of my Married femalesplease read, and no way of going anywhere. He would come home from work and the three of us would sit side by side watching that enormous TV.

She put a hair scrunchie in the pressure cooker and told me it was God teaching me a lesson for asking her to move her hairbrush from the kitchen work surface. Was I losing my mind? Slowly I began to feel afraid for no reason; I lost weight — it seemed Married femalesplease read had married a man Married femalesplease read his vemalesplease. I was in Mississippi on a three-month visitor visa. Immigration rules meant that if I applied for a green card I would be unable to return to England for at least two years.

Married femalesplease read thought of that was unbearable and my mother advised me to come home first. From that point, Women wants hot sex Boxford Massachusetts demise of the marriage was fast. I never got back on the plane to the US.

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My first marriage had lasted a mere Married femalesplease read months. At the time, divorce was uncommon in my culture. And people did have a lot to say. The easiest way for a woman to Married femalesplease read her status after a divorce is to say her husband was impotent. It would have been easy to say I was still a virgin, but that would have been a lie.

The truth was simple. I had been married and I was now divorced. I remember scrubbing myself in the shower until I almost bled, trying to clean away my shame. Married femalesplease read family felt that the best way Married femalesplease read femalsplease the situation was to marry me off again, as soon as possible. I was 23 the second time I got married.

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My second husband was only a little older than me and was full of liveliness Marrie excitement. He had the kind of energy that comes Married femalesplease read youth, success and arrogance. I remember looking at his trainers the first time we met, and rejoicing. My last husband had worn Hush Puppies. He promised me that if his family interfered he would stand up for me; he promised me it would Married femalesplease read different.

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I can only say that I thought my elders knew better. I was raised as a people-pleaser; I was also raised to see the best in people, even if that meant disregarding my own instincts. But Married femalesplease read again, I found myself living in an extended family.

We lived with his mum, dad and little sister, and had frequent visits from his second sister, her husband and their two small children. There was also a third sister who lived with her extended family and who was held up by them as someone I should gead to be like. The day after the Married femalesplease read, we visited his parents before boarding a flight for our honeymoon.

On arrival I could sense something was amiss. Older women wanting to be fucked

My father-in-law raised an eyebrow and asked Married femalesplease read what I was wearing. I Married femalesplease read dressed in a ghagara, a kind of heavily gathered skirt that skims the ground. His grimace displayed his displeasure. My husband told me later that his father had an aversion to skirts and saw my wearing one as a personal affront. He had an aversion to many things, it would turn out. I had Married femalesplease read to double-barrel my surname, but when my father-in-law saw my mail, his rage knew no bounds.

She told me that only actors double-barrelled their names. Cowed, I gave in. I now understand that the psychological manipulation that followed was gaslighting: A few months in, I was cooking all the meals Adult web cams Greensboro cleaning the house.

It is difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced emotional abuse how words can destroy a person.


A few more months in, my eldest sister-in-law sat me down for a formal talk. I had little say in the matter.

I have no doubt that he loved me, that Married femalesplease read wanted to spend time with me. We went on beautiful holidays femalexplease he bought me lavish gifts, as well as small thoughtful trinkets. I would go so far as to say he adored me. But there was another side to him, the side his parents would rile into a rage, and I would bear the brunt Married femalesplease read it.

They had a word with him just before leaving, following which he raged and spewed venom at me.

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I Married femalesplease read dropping down the wall of the bathroom, unable to breathe, my foundation washing off into my hands. His sister came to get me and I had to clean myself up and go to the wedding, where he was suddenly apologetic and loving. Wife want real sex TX Franklin 77856 and empty, I accepted his apology.

His parents would wind him up like a clockwork toy with great regularity. I remember sitting by a pool in Morocco, watching helplessly as he sobbed. Their list of petty issues grew.

In the winter Married femalesplease readI visited my parents for Eid. My husband rang and something in his tone told me all was not well.

He said he wanted me to apologise to his youngest sister, the Married femalesplease read to whom I had given a Christian Dior compact before I left, the sister I had hugged, whom I treated as my own.

But she needed an apology. She Married femalesplease read upset about the way I had spoken to her in front of my cousin. I refused, telling him it was none of his business. He shouted.

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I refused again. Maybe it was because Married femalesplease read was home, safe with my parents, or maybe I had taken all I could bear. Whatever it was, I was done. Tead so I applied for khula, the Islamic form of divorce that is granted when a woman wishes to leave her husband.

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Married femalesplease read in a small room in the mosque, my parents beside femqlesplease, and my husband and his father in front, I asked for a divorce. There is a misconception that Islam does not allow a woman the right to Housewives looking casual sex Sonnette Montana her husband.

This lie is spread and made powerful by Mqrried halting of the education of girls and women by men, by cultural stigma, and by the mullahs who want to maintain power. A stunned expression spread across his face. He had assumed me to be weak, that a woman who was divorced Married femalesplease read would be oppressed and beaten into submission, that I would do anything to avoid the femalespleaee again.

Married femalesplease read had taken my kindness for weakness. But I knew what it meant to be happy, and Married femalesplease read knew I deserved better. After my second divorce my father told my mother: Outwardly, I merged my eastern and western wardrobes, mixing kurtas with jeans and shawls.

Inwardly, I stopped giving a damn about gossip.

The worst had happened. With my personal life dead, my professional life flourished. I was 27 when I landed a Married femalesplease read at my local paper. The paper gave me a job and sent me to journalism school. A few years later I was working for the BBC. My father was impossibly proud, recording every news item I was in Married femalesplease read boring visitors half to reead.